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Post by happyhour on Nov 21, 2014 8:23:27 GMT -5
"It was back in deepest, darkest Caledon," wheezed the old man as he sat gently rocking on the porch. "That feller jess upped and created hisself one fine eeequestrian..." The old man wrinkled his brow as he searched for the right word. "Venoo. Yeah, that's what they call it! A venoo!" Old man sat back in his chair, very pleased with his memory. "Sure as soon as he got that venoo up and runnin' he decided he needed one a them bulletin boards. You know, where folks go and post their eeequine news."
The young girl, Hunter, a hunter, perched on the steps and listened carefully to the old man's words. The rocking chair began to rock just the littlest bit harder. "Trouble was," he said, "that sometimes that eeeqine news waren't no good. And one time, it was just plain bad." He stopped rocking, reached forward and lifted his extra large, double-double from the table. Took a sip. Savoured the flavour. Young girl watched as he sipped and savoured again and again. Finally, she could wait no longer. "Grandpa, what was the news?" Old man looked at the young girl, stared directly into her sweet, innocent eyes. Yep, he decided, she was ready.
"The news?" he said, leaning forward. "The news was this here: the lights was goin' dark." He sat back and waited for Hunter's reaction. And waited. Hunter, bemused, just stared at her grandfather. She sat and thought for a moment. The she took a deep breath. "Well," she said, carefully. "That doesn't sound so bad, Grandpa! Couldn't he just...turn 'em back on?"
Grandpa frowned. "Now, you ain't listening close enough, girl. He hunkered down in his chair - totally a grandpa thing to do. "I said that was the news," he whispered, "Not the bad news." Grandpa peered left then right. Spying no one in earshot he leaned in close to Hunter's left ear. "Gonna tell ya the bad news..."
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Post by happyhour on Nov 22, 2014 6:00:54 GMT -5
Out in the paddock, Clyde and Dale, Clydesdale brothers, snacked on apples and carrots. Jeanie, their beloved groom, counted precisely the number of treats dropped into each feed bucket. With a kiss on the nose she patted each brother and headed off to the barn to finish her chores. "How many carrots ya got?" asked Dale as he peered into Clyde's bucket. "Got two," replied Clyde. "Just like you." Dale looked at his bucket then back to Clyde's. "Your apples are redder," he whined. "They're Red Delicious," countered Clyde. "All red, all the time!" Appearing satisfied that the treats had been equally distributed, Dale returned to his bucket. But, not for long. Side-eying Dale, Clyde picked up his carrot. Waved it in Dale's face. And stepped backwards. He wiggled the carrot. "Mine's bigger than yours," he taunted. "Know why?" Dale's eyes narrowed. He sorta knew what was coming. "Jeanie likes me better than you!" sniped Clyde.
That did it.
With a squeal of outrage, Dale took off after Clyde. Around the paddock they raced, red bits and orange bits flying from juice-dripping lips. The barn doors opened and Clyde hit the brakes. Dale, of course, ran right into Clyde. "Dale! Knock it off!" hissed Clyde. "Lookit the door!" Both boys walked slowly up to the barn entrance. There stood Jeanie, her arms around a shaking, weeping Hunter.
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Post by happyhour on Nov 23, 2014 18:19:45 GMT -5
"But what did he say?" asked Jeanie. "Well," snuffled Hunter, as a fresh tear spilled over and trickled down her cheek. "He said that...that..they're gonna have to...to sell Wallgrave!" Jeanie was stunned. "Sell it? Why on earth would they do that?" Jeanie led Hunter over to the gazebo and plunked her down in a chair. She stood in front of the chair and placed a hand on each of its arms. "Tell me exactly what he said," she ordered. "Word for word."
Hunter sat for a moment organizing her thoughts. "Ok, Grandpa said that he overheard a phone conversation. Said that he heard Walter say 'I'll sell the place then. I'll get the money! I will!' Then he heard Walter say 'Give me some time...PLEASE! I promise I won't contact the police!!' He was quiet for a minute then Grandpa heard him say, 'I have no choice. Please don't do anything!' and that was the end of the conversation. After a few minutes, Walter went storming out of his office, got in his car and took off down the driveway. Grandpa said Walter looked terrible! Grandpa did something else too. He told me not to tell anybody but I just have to! He sneaked into Walter's office and spied his computer. It was open to a weird site: Acme Spy Agency."
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Post by happyhour on Nov 24, 2014 16:34:07 GMT -5
"You wanna what?" asked an incredulous Dale. He watched as Clyde hauled a cellphone the size of Texas into the barn. "I wanna," said Clyde, "send a text." Dale raised his eyebrows even higher and stared at Clyde. "Ok, so who do you wanna text?" he asked. "Arlo," replied Clyde. Dale took a step towards Clyde. "Now, hang on a minute here, Clyde. We don't know what's going on! We heard what Hunter told Jeanie, that's it!"
Clyde stopped heaving the cellphone and rested against a bale of straw. "C'mon Dale," he said. "We know Walter was looking at Acme, right?" Dale nodded. "We know that they're the best in the business, right?" Dale had to nod again. "And we also know Acme's top dog, right?" Dale squirmed, looked down then shifted his gaze to the left. "What?" snapped Clyde.
"Arlo's a cat," said Dale.
"Ahhh geez, Dale! I KNOW he's a cat. That was just an expression!" Clyde turned on the phone.
Well, thank God for iPhone technology.
Dale reached over and tapped the screen. "Siri," he said, "Call Arlo." Clyde was gobsmacked. And definitely one-upped.
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Post by happyhour on Nov 25, 2014 6:28:57 GMT -5
ACME SPY AGENCY
MEMO
TO: Charlie CC: "A" Team
FROM: Arlo
SUBJECT: Mission to Wallgrave
Contact made by moles regarding dangerous situation developing. Details murky. All agents are to report ASAP. Bring blinkers, winkers and anything else that flashes - except that perv on the Yonge Street subway line, leave him. Moles report that time is of the essence. Meet here at 0800 hours tomorrow for recon. Meeting with moles at 1600 hours. Mission is COVERT, SECRET, and on a NEED TO KNOW basis. As always, KEEP YER LIPS ZIPPED.
Fondly,
Arlo
DIETER'S MEATERS
MEMO
TO: Arlo
FROM: Dieter
SUBJECT: Your Memo
The hell's a mole?
Agently,
Dieter
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Post by happyhour on Nov 25, 2014 8:05:49 GMT -5
DIETER: Hey Arlo!
ARLO: You starting with the texts again?
DIETER: What's wrong with my texts?
ARLO: Nothing. If I were psychic.
DIETER: Whoa. No way. I know nuts when I see it and you ain't it.
ARLO: Sigh
DIETER: K, done. What's next?
ARLO: Ahhhh gawd. Will you just get your mission gear together and get here pronto!!
DIETER: Oh yeah. That's why I'm texting. Mutti's watching the meat store while I'm away being a missionary. So that's ok. But I just need to know...which bible we using?
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Post by happyhour on Nov 25, 2014 15:57:29 GMT -5
From deep in the bowels of the sewer treatment plant came a hum. Like this: hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm. Sounded like a phone on vibrate. Or a very happy rat. Betcha know which one it's gonna be! Ratso, Rat King II, sat in front of the console, humming a ditty. He studied the console intently. Scraps of paper covered in scribbled letters littered the floor. Ratso tapped his pencil on the keyboard. Pursed his little rat lips. Then he began this sequence: Alt Repeat Lock Zero. And bingo! Ratso stared at the file that popped open on his monitor.
Acme Spy Agency, Agent Roster
Charlie, Big human Kahuna
Arlo, Ace Feline Agent
Mahoney, Retired, Tough, Primo Feline Agent once
Dave, Human Pilot
Dieter, Whoa. I dunno, man. Swears he's human.
Now, let's get serious for a second. If you were an enemy agent looking for somebody to bring to the dark side, who would you call?
Ratso dialed. Dieter reached for his phone.
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Post by happyhour on Nov 26, 2014 18:22:29 GMT -5
"Ok," said Arlo. "Listen up." In a semicircle in the bunker under the Wallgrave Pavillion sat la crème de l'Acme Spy Agency. Charlie, checking his watch, counted heads. Frowned and counted 'em again. One agent was missing. You know who-oo-oo...
"We have a situation," continued Arlo. "Wallgrave's Mascot, the one and only Willy Wallgrave has been snatched!" Gasps of disbelief from these very seasoned agents filled the air. "Noooo," wailed Dale. "Willy? They took Willy? I knew it had to be bad but this...this is unbelievable! Clyde, dumbstruck, just nodded in agreement. Wallgrave without Willy was like Brad without Angelina, Kim without Kanye or Curly without Larry and Moe - unfathomable! Everybody had his or her own special memories of Willy. His welcome to the park! His helpful and expert directions! His joy! His happiness! His...well, you get it, he was really, truly beloved.
"I heard that there was trouble from our moles," he nodded at Clyde and Dale, "And then I was contacted by Walter." Arlo dropped his eyes, took a deep breath, looked up and said, "We gotta get on this. And we gotta get on this hard. I've got reliable intel from our asset in Waste Treatment. It's believed that Willy is currently being held in Stage One, Filter Room. Our asset advises that the enemy was so pumped by their success in grabbing the vic that they were running around, jumping and hooting and carrying on... You know what that means! He's been grabbed by...Yeehawdists!"
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Post by happyhour on Nov 27, 2014 21:13:02 GMT -5
Walter sat at his desk, head resting in his hands. He stared at the pictures decorating the wall. Willy with the Queen! Willy with Princess Anne! Willy with Cap'n Canada! Willy with Everybody! He felt sick as he reviewed the pictures, one by one. Then something caught his eye. He leaned forward for a closer look. "What in God's name is that?" he muttered. "I've never seen that before." He stood up and walked over to a particular picture. Stood right in front of it. "That can't be! There is no way I missed seeing this!"
In the very corner of the picture of Willy with Igor Isteelhimoff flashed two very beady, red as rhubarb and entirely rodential, eyes.
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Post by happyhour on Nov 28, 2014 5:23:46 GMT -5
"What am I looking for?" asked Hunter, peering intently at the pictures on Walter's wall. Walter walked up behind Hunter and, lightly laying a hand on her shoulder (Hunter almost fainted, SERIOUS idol-crush here), reached past her and tapped the corner of the photo with a strong, straight, manly finger. "That," he said in his deep, husky voice. Hunter, a-quiver, peered again. And there! She saw it! "That looks like..well...a rat!" she said. She moved in for a closer look. Walter's hand slid to her back, its heat radiating through her thin shirt. She trembled anew but willed herself to concentrate on the photo. "Walter," she said, while willing, "Look at the frame. There's something different about it. Look how thick it is compared to the others." Both of them stared at the pictures, flipping back and forth from Isteelhimoff's to the others. "You're right!" said Walter and turned the most gorgeous set of sea-blue eyes towards her. And smiled. You know how people say 'my heart just skipped a beat'? Hunter's heart damn near needed defib!
Walter reached up and removed the photo from the wall. Hefted it, back and forth. He turned it over. There was a faint stamp on the back of the matting. "What's it say?" squeaked Hunter in a voice she barely trusted - Gawd, he was such a good hefter. "Not sure what it means, but it looks like 'TARGET' and underneath that 'CALL IGOR FOR DETAILS'." Walter raised his eyes. "Good Lord," he said. "Does that mean Isteelhimoff's involved?"
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Post by happyhour on Nov 28, 2014 22:00:46 GMT -5
CHARLIE: Where r u?
DIETER: Dunno. I'm really foggy.
CHARLIE: And that's a surprise.
DIETER: I'm serious, Chuck. Think I was knocked out. Got a call re some important intel and went to meet the guy. That's the last thing I remember.
CHARLIE: What happened!!
DIETER: I woke up and I think I'm near the lake. It's warm and wet in here. Well...either the lake or a giant uterus. I'd go with the lake.
CHARLIE: Are you alone?
DIETER: What..you mean do I have like a twin in here?
CHARLIE: You are not in a giant uterus!! Now, have you seen anybody or heard anything?
DIETER: Yeah! Weirdest thing! Some guy talking with a Russian accent! Only thing I heard was...'Villy'.
CHARLIE: Ohhhh boy. Activate your GPS, Dieter! We're coming to get you!
DIETER: Make it snappy, will ya. I can't swim.
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Post by churchmouse on Dec 1, 2014 9:43:56 GMT -5
Is there a point to this story?
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bd
Greenie
Posts: 7 
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Post by bd on Dec 1, 2014 10:40:48 GMT -5
Unless I'm mistaken I believe the point is to show your creativity and ad a paragraph to the story... I have 0 creativity and hence the boring, bla response .  Sorry for the interruption. |
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Post by happyhour on Dec 1, 2014 20:41:30 GMT -5
Nailed it, bd. Thanks for taking the time to explain the point. I was just about to extract Dieter but I had to wait for another contraction - you know how uteri can be...
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Post by churchmouse on Dec 2, 2014 10:13:39 GMT -5
Unless I'm mistaken I believe the point is to show your creativity and ad a paragraph to the story... I have 0 creativity and hence the boring, bla response . Sorry for the interruption. Ok...I didn't understand as no one else was posting or participating. |
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Sorry for the interruption.